"A little over a year ago..."
A little over a year ago, I was a normal 35 year old woman on top of my world. I had decided to take my life in my own hands after some very serious trauma a few years before... I was kicking ass and takin' names at my full time job, working a part time job, going to school fulltime and maintaining a Deans list standing. I was tired of course, but I was thriving on this- and kicking ass at it!
I was healing from my grief of losing my rock, my hero, my father in 2011... and had regained so much I had given up three years prior when my dad was ill. I had lived in Indy, but moved home to Galion OH with his car loaded with my personal possessions and gave up everything I owned aside from some clothes, photos and personal mementos; including my credit and a car that was not yet paid off, to be his sole caregiver in the end months of his life. When he died a part of me went with him. But I had done well to heal from those wounds!
Lets go back in time a little further..
In 2011, after my Dad passed and I struggled a few months to make ends meet, I was blessed with an amazing opportunity both personally and professionally and I went to work for a Children Services Agency. I found myself at home with such amazing coworkers, mentors and friends. I got to work alongside a close family friend who was my partner, teaching me the ins and outs of my job patiently. I thrived in my position and was given additional responsibility. In short, I rocked it out!
I had been voted 2013 employee of the year in my department and I honestly felt like I was a great worker. I was hard working, dependable, personable and the little tykes all loved their Angie. Toddler hugs was one of my favorite perks o the job you see! (still is!)
Early in 2014, I had started college. My plan was to get my bachelors in applied psychology, move on to a graduate degree in counseling psychology and eventually take it to the limit with a doctorate. I was doing well in my courses and it all came so natural and easy to me. I took great pride in this, because I finally knew for sure what I wanted and I was going after it with fervor!
My partner retired in February of 2014, and her replacement started in mid April. I rocked the time out in the middle with grace and felt confident each and every day that I was doing two peoples jobs quite well. I ha some ailments through this month, and it wasn't without stress.. but I was rocking it!
In May, stress started to get to me at home, partly that I was having a hard time focusing on things and home life was less than ideal. My lover of the past 2 years had been gone since January and I missed him terribly. Round about June , we found out his assignment was becoming permanent, keeping him half way across the country, so when I started to have a hard time focusing, I attributed it a bit to depression. I was depressed. I was crying all the time. I had just moved into a beautiful new apartment, had purchased a decent used car that I was proud of how my life was coming together, despite the love of my life being pushed out of it. He was distant about some things in his life so me moving there was a thought in my head, but never an option delivered from him. Hard to deal with, but acceptable. I was still kicking butt at school, but starting to struggle. Work was also becoming a challenge with some of the duties- not all... but my ability to focus was shifting. It was getting harder to motivate myself to do certain things that required any concentration. I attributed most of that to the hectic daily schedule of supervised visitation and the inability to focus and concentrate on detailed paperwork and funding applications while there were so many crazy wild kiddos running around!
It was slow at first. I thought if I got on an antidepressant, perhaps it would help me focus and concentrate and motivate. The med the Dr put me on was too much and caused vomiting and intense stomach ailment, so I stopped the Effexor pretty quickly. I dealt with the depression as best I could and felt like maybe I was going to be okay, but that I wasn't yet.
The headaches were present, but not so intense that I couldn't bare it. Sometimes I would need to take off work because of them. The nausea and vomiting came on often enough I was missing work randomly. Other days I just couldn't muster my energy or my ability to do anything and would call off sick then as well. It was hard to get out of bed and move along some days! I just didn't know why. Again, this was attributed to the depression and stress.
I had blurry eyes from time to time and a difficulty seeing. By early fall, the headaches were frequent, as were the intense nausea and vomiting was increasing as well.
Things came to a head with the relationship in the end of October and it ended abruptly and completely. I cried it out for a full two days and then was okay. It had been a long time coming anyway. Most of all, I miss my friend but life goes on. In my mind, I had school and work and life to concentrate on, so I would be fine.
Two weeks later- I started noticing that my headache was a level five headache on the scale of 1-10. By Thanksgiving, I noticed that the headache never alleviated at all, and nothing I took helped it most of the time.
Schoolwork was becoming impossible and work duties were as well. I would notice if I tried to concentrate on anything my headache would move to a level 7-8 headache which I noticed was where the nausea would peak. If I pushed a little more, I would get to a 8-9 where vomiting would come on if I vomited at all.. but level 10. That's where I would go if I forced myself to focus too long on something.
I've had medical issues before and would push through stubbornly, but this ... this was like a board to the skull and would put me in bed for sometimes up to a few days at a time. More sick time gone. More vacation time expended being sick.
I had failed one of my classes for the fall- which for the Dean List student... that was a huge blow to my confidence, and my pride. I was ashamed! I couldn't figure out why it was so difficult! The work wasn't hard and I should have made this class an Easy A. The work would have been so simple. I just couldn't get it done! The other class I was in, should have been an easier A. I got a C in that class. Why ? Again more wounded pride. More broken hearted. What was wrong with me? I was losing my mind!?
Come January, I finally stopped being stubborn and called the Dr. The headache had never alleviated, and this was two months now of constant 5 and higher painful headaches.
It was a new Dr. for me to go to, so took a few weeks to get in
Early February. The headaches were intensifying, along with the light sensitivity. I was basically like a walking freaking zombie. I turned off my lights in the office and closed the blinds most of he time, which drove my partner crazy!
Alas... I saw Jessica Toland at Dr. Aurora's office in Marion, OH. She is wonderful. Just simply WONDERFUL.
Did I mention I have a mass on my forehead too? A large lump which had been growing over the course of the past year as well! I was convinced it was a tumor! It is. btw- just benign! Just xtra tissue and whatnot. Fabulous. (sarcasm!? maybe) I call it my goiter!
Jessica sent me to get an MRI. First, they confirmed I do in fact, have a brain (I know my three brothers were a little shocked!)
The results were in quickly and I was called in to talk to Jessica within just a few days!
It was then where something came I didn't ever dream of...
I was diagnosed with a pretty significant (rare) Neurological Disorder.
Pseudo Tumor Cerebri.
False Brain Tumor
A disease that mimics the effects of a large brain tumor and often times can lead to blindness.
My MRI showed narrowing of the optic sheath, so my vision was in danger.
I'm 35 at this point. I have a condition that mimics a brain tumor and I may go blind?
No! Please No! I'm too young and alive for all of this!!!
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